PARTICULAR IS MY NICK NAME

There is a time when we are required to choose. Cos not all the things, we can get in t his life. Like today, I have to take an important decisions.

Having a baby is a very serious think. We must prepare time, money and mental. Why mental? I know that stupid question. Here's my defence, I already have a previous child (that's right), but doesn't mean everything is working just like.. 'OK HONEY, LET'S HAVE A BABY'. It's still being my particular.

Until...'Congratulation, you will have a baby', my doctor claimed. There's no word that I can describe for that moment. My husband looks calm and happy, neither does my daughter.

Honestly, that was made me confused. Not ready is the only word that kept popping up in my head. Than, I come clean to my husband about my feelings. He just saying 'why you should confuse?'. Well, considering we only have a seven years old daughter, no wonder if he was waiting for the presence of another child (a boy actually). I, my self wondered why I was so scared? So many question that filled in my head.

How do I pass 9 months of my pregnancy?

What if I'm not ready?

How it's feels, to take and waiting for my child to school (again on my age)?

How if I don't have longer time for my self?

What? How? and Why? become my friend sleep. I think this is unusual among pregnant mothers. This feeling was haunting me until 4 months of my pregnant. When the concern deepened, suddenly, I felt something so comfort in my heart.

Today, I looked at the four dimensional screen in the USG room in the hospital. Watching the small feet and hands moving with very beautiful. Oh God, it's truly incredible of your creature. I don't know why, but I felt something down my face. Feeling guilty about all my feelings during this, makes me want to cry as hard as I can (hiks..hiks). Oh Dear God, I was very embarrassed and felt stupid.

After, that amazing event that I witnessed it. On March 21st, 2008, at 7.00 PM, I gave birth to a very beautiful and healthy baby girl with cesarean secction. Her soft skin cover with fine hairs. She is smiling behind her white blanket. How stupid I am, what should I fear? Thank God for answering my fear.

Now, that little creature is 2 years and 6 months old. With her pure white and cute face she runs after her sponge blue ball with her laughter that always fill our home.

We are happy with two

blessing daughters who always be our inspiration in life.

Dear, God.. Thank you for the girls who is so awesome *_-

Love,

Mom with a storage of love